When I was younger, I have a clear picture of what I want, of things I want to accomplish, of goals I want to reach. The thought of being grown up and being able to do those things would bring a rush of excitement. It sparked a fire within that would never be extinguished. Call it passion, zest for life or a name by any other name, but it brings a spring in my every step.
Then, while traveling down the path of enlightenment and goal fulfillment, I found out there were detours, a lot I should say. Some I enjoyed; others I wish I never took.
I find myself in jobs and situations that if they are not literally killing me (spell long hours and toxic stress level); I find ways to accept them. After all; this job pays the bills right? I became complacent and this is when the flames of my fire begin to dwindle.
Have I been so deeply entrenched in laziness? Are my excuses valid or they are just my way of staying comfortable and not move out of the box I have painted? I look back on time wasted, on younger people, or people that I feel are more motivated or qualified and then I begin to feel lost. Complacency, laziness, settling for whatever is given to us, being scared to take risks, I know these are enemies of a life worth living.
Sad but true, I find myself in a rut of boredom and disinterest. I seem to lose my zest for life and feel tired, and unmotivated. I want to hide under the covers rather than face the day. Perhaps I’m feeling overwhelmed by work? (Nah, my work is so unchallenging), well maybe I am just plain bored with the routine of my daily life?
Well, at least having this realization just goes to show that the fire hasn’t been fully extinguished, the embers are still alive, (yes very much alive). And I am determined, to fan the embers until it will be ablaze. I know it’s a tough pursuit, but we’ll break it into smaller manageable steps. That’s how toddlers learn to walk, one small step at a time…
So wish me all the best J